Breaking up is never easy, and the emotions that come with it can be overwhelming—feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, and sadness. But remember, even though it might seem like the pain is endless, it’s not. The heartbreak you’re experiencing right now is temporary, and with time, you’ll mend your heart and find love again.
Research tells us that after a dating relationship ends, it takes around 11 weeks, on average, to start feeling better (The Journal of Positive Psychology). If it’s a marriage that ended, the healing process may extend up to 18 months (another study). But remember, this too shall pass.
Each person’s journey to recovery is unique, so don’t pressure yourself with rigid timelines. The healing process is influenced by various factors, like the duration of your relationship, the cherished memories you shared, and whether you had a family together. But have hope and believe in your resilience—you will emerge stronger from this.
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The Agony of a Breakup: Why it Hurts So Deeply
Relationships weave the fabric of our lives. When a cherished and central relationship is lost, it feels like an integral part of ourselves has been torn away. The world suddenly seems devoid of meaning and purpose. It’s as if a profound piece of our being has vanished forever. And indeed, we aren’t the same person we were when we shared our life with our former partner.
Yet, we must be cautious not to linger too long in the grief of this loss and the feeling of losing our identity. For if we do, we risk becoming prisoners of the past, desperately trying to mend the broken connection to win back our ex, and in the process, rediscover ourselves.
The Emotional Impact of Breakup
Human connections are the essence of our existence, and when we face a Breakup, particularly with someone who meant the world to us and was at the core of our life, it’s akin to losing a part of our soul. The feeling of losing direction and purpose is not uncommon during these trying times. It’s as if a significant fragment of our being has gone astray. In some profound sense, we are forever changed after parting ways with our ex-partner.
However, if we allow ourselves to be submerged in the abyss of sorrow and shaken self-identity for an extended period, we’ll become entangled in the past, desperately attempting to mend the relationship in hopes of reclaiming our ex—and finding ourselves once again.
Navigating a Breakup: Embracing the Journey of Self-Discovery
Dealing with a breakup is an intricate journey filled with emotions and reflections. It’s not merely about moving past your former partner; it’s a profound process of discovering yourself and finding strength within. Remember, healing cannot be rushed; it’s a transformative expedition rather than a quick fix.
rant yourself the precious gift of time and space to heal. Refrain from seeking solace in rebound relationships, as they might offer momentary relief but won’t mend the underlying wounds. Instead, confront your emotions bravely and authentically.
Admittedly, this expedition demands significant time, energy, and resilience to process your feelings genuinely. Nevertheless, at the end of this expedition, you will emerge as a fortified version of yourself, ready to embrace life more profoundly than ever before.
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Embrace Your Feelings for True Healing (Breakup)
None of us truly enjoy pain, but it’s crucial to accept our emotions if we wish to heal. Hiding from our feelings or numbing them will only delay the recovery process. Instead, let’s be honest about the hurt, pain, and rejection we’re going through, without feeling ashamed to admit our sadness.
Breaking up with someone with whom you’ve shared a significant part of your life naturally brings forth intense emotions. Acknowledging and confronting these emotions head-on is the key to navigating through them in a positive and healthy manner.
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Lean on Your Support System Breakup
Rarely do breakups occur as mutual decisions; they often leave one person shocked and wounded. Coping with feelings of surprise, rejection, pain, and even betrayal can be daunting, especially when we feel isolated.
Reach out to your friends and open up about your emotions, while also being mindful of their own lives and experiences. If you find that you require more support than your friends can provide, consider seeking guidance from a professional therapist, counselor, or spiritual leader. They are equipped to offer valuable assistance during challenging times like a breakup.
Embrace the Present by Letting Go of the Past Breakup
Social media stalking of your ex will only impede your healing process. Every time you come across a post with their smiling face, it reopens the wound, causing the pain to resurface. Unfollow them on all your accounts for your own peace of mind.
There’s a certain serenity and comfort in not knowing the details of their life or who they spend time with. Allow yourself to embrace this peace by distancing yourself from the past and focusing on your present well-being.
Steer Clear of Drunken Communication (Breakup)
Few things are as regrettable as reaching out to your ex while intoxicated, seeking answers about what went awry. In the haze of intoxication, filters fade away, and you might spill words that haunt you come morning. Shield yourself from such pain by erasing your ex’s contact from your phone and deleting their email account from your computer. Better yet, limit excessive drinking altogether.
Dialing your ex in a drunken state hardly ever unfolds as expected; instead, it leads to profound remorse and humiliation the next day. To compound the distress, your ex might even share your inebriated voicemails or texts with others, magnifying your embarrassment. Consequently, it’s imperative to avoid such predicaments at any cost.
An Honest Appraisal of the Relationship
Take an objective look at what the relationship truly entailed. Let go of the idealized version of your ex and the selective focus on the joyful moments. While reminiscing through rose-tinted glasses is human nature, it doesn’t represent the full reality.
Perhaps you were entangled in an emotionally or financially abusive relationship. Maybe your ex exhibited controlling tendencies or struggled with jealousy. Whatever the challenges, remind yourself of those aspects rather than fixating solely on the positive memories.
Self-care is important.
Not being worthy or lovable does not follow from your spouse ending a relationship. As a result, you should concentrate on what you can do to feel better right now rather than what you could have done incorrectly. This would entail setting aside some time each day to indulge yourself.
However, now is not the time to overeat on fast food, drink too much, or regularly call in sick to work. Ultimately, none of those things will improve your mood. Your pain and suffering will still be present in the morning because they are only temporary remedies.
Rediscover Your True Self
Now is the ideal time to rediscover who you are if your identity was deeply entwined with your connection with your ex. Discover your identity outside of the relationship. The biggest error you can do is to try to fill the hole you are feeling before you know who you are and what you want. In the long run, it will only lead to more grief and destruction.
Relationships frequently end due of incompatibility or divergent wants or goals between the partners. Be sure to give yourself enough of time to figure out who you are and what you want.
Keep a thought and emotion journal.
It can be beneficial at times to express yourself on writing. In fact, keeping a notebook can be incredibly relieving. So take out your journal and begin writing. You might even wish to write your ex a letter in which you can fully explain your sentiments. Simply do not send it. Even just the act of writing down your feelings and talking to someone about them can be incredibly helpful.
Furthermore, what you write in your letter is probably not something you’ll want to reveal in a week or two. You’re feeling raw right now. Get them out, but don’t tell anyone else.
Release resentment and blame
It is unhealthy to harbor feelings of hostility, bitterness, and blame. It will consume you internally. Focus on letting go of your resentment and blame instead. Keep in mind that forgiving someone does not mean forgetting. It is about releasing yourself from your ex’s control. These emotions keep you bound to them if you hang onto your anger and resentment or if you blame your ex for ending the relationship. And even though unpleasant emotions are keeping you connected, you cannot recover while you are still doing so.
So concentrate on eliminating the blame game and letting go of your anger. Instead, set your sights on the future and pay attention to how you want your life to be different the next time around.
Making a Positive Out of It Breakup
Contrary to what many people think, breaking up need not be a horrible thing. In fact, if you are no longer in a toxic relationship, it might be a wonderful thing. Look for methods to make the split a positive rather than dwelling on its drawbacks.
Does being single, for instance, provide you more time to pursue your interests or volunteer for a worthwhile cause? Can you go on the vacation you’ve always wanted to go on? Instead of concentrating on the hurt, find reasons to be grateful that the relationship is over. Once you do, being alone won’t seem like such a terrible thing, and you’ll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Do Not Forget That There Are Others
You will have another relationship—if you desire one—despite how difficult it may be to realize this right now. You can go on new dates and meet new people. Breakup after falling into the trap of thinking that this person was your soulmate and that you would now always be alone.
Related: The 4 stages of relationship